A Week of Primetime Sacrilege

Sacrilege: the violation or profanation of anything sacred or held sacred.

• 90210 (the remake): How is this possible? It is a complete violation of my trust in the Spelling empire. I thought it would be bad but the blow job that occurred in the first five minutes really sealed the deal. Ok, I was momentarily excited by the appearance of Brenda and Kelly but that quickly went south. Particularly when I was reading an interview with Shannon Dougharty in some magazine in my therapists office about the evolution of Brenda. WTF I LOVED Beverly Hills 90210. Brenda is not a person she is an insane hormonal rage. She doesn't get to evolve she needs to remain trapped in eternal teenage angst while wearing horrible nineties leggings. They are ruining it. Hateful.

• The X files: Part of what made it so great, other than the fact that they were willing to make shows about the most fucked up thing you could possibly think of, was the unresolved sexual tension between Scully and Mulder. Well now we all know DD is some kind of wacko perverted sex addict which means he definitely bagged the fire crotch. Is nothing sacred? I didn't even know that had rehab for sex addicts....do you think a relapse is when you bang the nurse or does that include getting caught in the middle of a circle jerk in the closet with the other residents.....