Congratulations....your money is still on fire

Now that your money has all been flushed down the shitter by the tanking of the stock market you are probably wondering how to make a make/save a few bucks. Here's a few tips from Salon and yours truly.

10 - Have sex with Brittney Spears and then sell the tape for money

9 - Bet your money on America, and the rest of the free world's political future.

8 - Cats make good eatin'.

7 - Here's a cost-saving tip: your "recreational" cocaine habit can easily be replaced with huffing glue.

6 - Remember saying this? "If I didn't have to work all day, I'd have the energy and enthusiasm to write that novel." Congratulations!

5 - Although pimping looks like a good cash-n-carry business to get into, remember you are not the only one who thought of it. It might be a good idea to form a syndicate with other new pimps in your neighborhood to save costs on fur-covered cowboy hats and shiny pants.

4 - You can break into most mom-n-pop pharmacies with nothing more than a crowbar and a little sweat. Move fast; you only have approximately 4 - 8 minutes before the police show up.

3 - A little etiquette can pay big dividends later: Remember to say "please" and "thank you" when committing armed robbery.

2 - Your parents never use that home-gym equipment - do not take their protestations that they have re-modeled your old room too seriously.

1 - Although a hand-cranked siphoning pump seems like an extravagance in these times, the taste of gasoline is very unpleasant. Don't consider this to be an 'expense' so much as an 'investment.'