My Special Friend

On Friday I got drunk with this hedgehog. I told her all about my relationship problems and she stuck her head in this toilet paper roll and pushed it around for awhile. It was all pretty profound. Then I tried to hold her, because thats what you do with spiny, spiky hedgehogs, you hold them when you are drunk.

5 Things Everyone Should Know about Sarah Palin

I read this in people this morning, yes I read people and I didn't feel like it really captured all the things we need to know about SP so I added a few of my own.



This is a picture of SP with her potential presidential cabinet.

1. She loves Baby Jesus.
2. She doesn't believe in abortion and thinks that everyone should be popping out enough babies to populate the Alaskan wilderness regardless of whether we want to or not.
3. She is actually a pioneer woman that they brought back to life using science
4. She was created by a 21 year old conservative republican during a political wet dream
5. She is clear evidence that John McCain is senile
   

Another Reason to Love Barbie

I don't know why but I think this picture is hysterical. I think it is some combination of their facial expressions and the mental image it gives me of him reeling that fish in on a Barbie rod.

Number Two

While watching Hilary's speech last night I had an Al Gore moment. That moment when I was watching a talk of his on the environment and I realized that Gore was not in fact a life sized manbot sent to us from the land of intrepid boredom. It was as if someone has inserted electronic probes into his anal cavity and suddenly zapped him back to life.

Three gun salute to Hilary and her bizarre orange pantsuit that made her look like the convention was a quick stop on her way to a fantastic Indian wedding. The speech was actually, if I must admit, moving and relevant. I even enjoyed her video montage, capped off by a sweet introduction by her daughter, and her daughter's blindingly white teeth, which by the way can someone tell her to send her dad some of her crest white strips because his chompers looked an unhealthy shade of yellow.

I couldn't help but think, if only I have heard that type of speech sooner I might have taken her candidacy a little more seriously. ahh well luckily I only have the ability to ponder things for about five seconds before I move on to my next thought but before I do….. Here is a quote that I found on line that I thought was something that Hilary really needs to hear and some commentator last night should have said.

SinisterRouge at 08:59 AM

• Holy fuck. I mean next thing you know she'll have to be driving the van around town on Nov 4 to make sure her supporters go and vote for Obama on that Tuesday. Holy shit. No one has ever expected this much from the fucking second place finisher. And no second place finisher has ever delivered as much as she has. Can't she just chill in Chappaqua now? FUCK.

I just had to post this fabulous cartoon because while I don't think it was intentional it makes Bill Clinton look like an angry gay fairy who turns Barak into a trannie princess. Wow, that's so amazing.

Last Words

I want to send my ex a postcard with nothing written on the back except.


YOU HORRIFY ME.

and this picture I drew him.

West Indian Day Bonanza

Its labor day again which means two things. One, you have to put away those white pants that you bought at Daffy's thinking it was a steal when really they just made your cottage cheese look three dimensional. Two its time to roll on down to the Eastern Parkway in Brooklyn to watch the West Indian Day Parade. Highlights from last year included rum, dancing in the street, rum, cow's foot soup, rum, more sequins than a drag show, rum. Need I really say more. I wanted to post a video of a street party down in St. Vincent in honor of this special day but google video foiled me. Will have to attempt again later. Instead I am posting this picture of a lovely friend that I made there who was really excited about his new friend, Mr. Board. Strong rum can help you to make friends with anything.



In an unrelated note, I am watching the DNC and they just said there are a group of people who are here to hear Hilary speak and they will be sitting to my right in Hilary's box. Places you don't want to be sitting without a full body bio hazard suit. On a positive note they just showed the lucky group and it seems Bill is sitting in her box.

My Weekend

Here is a very brief recap of the weekend (I am including this morning because it was appalling and falls into the general misery that constituted the weekend)

· I told my ex-boyfriend I never wanted to speak to him again. Which was interesting because at that very moment he was doing what he typically does when I try to discuss anything that might remotely resemble a feeling with him. Not speaking. I wish our conversation had a gone a little bit more like this because then at least it would have been funny and I could have been Anna Farris for about 3 minutes and 50 seconds.

· My sister broke up with her girlfriend who is also my business partner.

· I woke up this morning to a very loud crash which I assumed was a car accident. Since I was already awake I decided to go downstairs to get some milk for my cereal. As I was crossing the street I came across a shoe on the cross walk and realized that there was something on the ground about twenty feet away. Turns out it wasn't a car accident but someone getting hit by a car, flying twenty feet through the air and then having a dumpster dropped on them. It was pretty much the worst thing I have ever seen.

Sincerely Debbie Downer

Presidential Pussys

This video is amazing. I can't believe they found a cat to play Obama that looks just like him. How did they do that?

H-Bomb

I had a realization the other day as I was reading yet another op-ed about how Hilary Clinton is scheming for ways to undermine Barak Obama's campaign. I had no problem with her campaigning when she was an actual candidate but now that we have all voted and decided we don't want her to be president she needs to stop. Then I started to realize that this story sounded vaguely familar. When had we heard this before? Then it came to me, Hilary Clinton is Stacy from Wayne's World. Hilary take note, we don't care how many necklaces or gun racks you give us because news flash, we broke up.

Lets Talk about Apps Man

Ok I have recently been doing some long delayed investigative work into new applications that I can be obsessed with for about a week and then forget about. Check them out.

This one is fab for all my musical friends out there. And when I say musical I don't mean my sister who gets hammered and then sits in the living room with her bongo drum and her mini steel drum making sweet tunes.

www.iconcertcal.com/-

This is a free plug in for your itunes. It is super easy to download and takes like seconds to install. It works with your itunes to find all the upcoming concerts in your area for the musicians you have in your library. Yay…..

www.mint.com

This site is excellent for anal rententive money managers like my sister. It allows you to give it access to all your financial accounts (credit cards, bank accounts, loans) and then it lets you know all kinds of neat things like where you can save money, where most of your money goes, what your cash flow is. Etc. this is a relatively depressing thing for me to look at since I have no money because I make no money but hey at least it tells me about my own poverty using lovely pink graphs.

**Naturally some of you are reading this and getting all jacked up because of potential security breaches. I say be bold. Read the security articles out there, most of them say its pretty iron clad but there is always a risk. No more risky than the last hipster outfit you bought at American Apparel.

https://www.google.com/health

This my friends is a hypercondriacs wet dream. Are you in the midst of a hideous medical crisis? Have you switched doctors like fifty times in the past three years and have no fucking clue where your records are? Do you simply like to watch you health like the stock market? This app allows you to enter in all your relevant medical history for endless (although not completely secure probably but what is have you seen some of the secretaries at your doctor's office) access on the web.

www.mydamnchannel.com/Big_Fat_Brain/You_Suck_at_Photoshop/YouSuckatPhotoshop1_398.aspx

For some of us, the ability to open an adobe program immediately leads people to believe we know what the fuck we are doing when it comes to graphic design. Minor problem for me since I really have no idea. Simple tasks can take me hours and by the end of it I want to slingshot my computer out the window and go back to the days when paint by numbers could be framed and placed in your living room as art. If you are like me, or if you simply have a sense of humor you need to watch this because it if f'ing hilarious. This man is so angry it makes me smile, particularly the second one where he goes on this rant about this stupid cat his wife adopted that pees shit on his carpet. Truly genius. Oh yeah, and he does a good job of explaining things in photoshop too.

Me and Mister Mike

I thought I would start this blog of with a repeat of the group email that I sent around about my amazing first encounter with the Mayor, know as Mister Mike.

So last night I met the mayor for about .2 seconds. I got to get my picture taken with him because I am an intern. There were about 1000 of us so they created a human conveyor belt. There was even a woman whose job it was to raise your hand and place it in the mayors. Apparently to save time in the event that your arm muscles gave out. I felt violated and it left me wondering if there would be someone to wipe for me in the bathroom. The whole event was Hawaiian themed and I went up to a man at the entrance handing out cheap plastic leis and asked him if he was going to lay me. Based on his reaction (his eyes widened, the glazed over and his jaw went slack) I determined the answer was no and lei'ed myself. Then I went and got a heaping plate of BBQ food and began chatting with a group of interns I didn't know. That lasted about five minutes until I decided the pickle on my plate wasn't actually food and fired it over my shoulder into the hedge. At which point they moved away like a herd of startled wilderbeast.

All in all a raging success.