Vote ya bastards

The last week of the presidential campaign pits a man whose thirty minute infomercial had me sobbing on my couch like a baby, against an old crazy white man with a comb over and his psychopathic running mate with a beehive. The good news for McCain is he got endorsed by Osama bin Laden, who incidentally is also writing a book. Because apparently laptops work in caves. The scary thing is despite all rational evidence which points to the fact that it would be a monumentally idiotic idea to put McCain in the white house. The geezer still has a chance. If you are wondering how motivated you should be to get your morbidly obese American ass of your Ikea couch and waddle down to the polls try plugging your demographics into the slate vote o meter. If you aren't in the American green, dangle a dunkin donut in front of yourself and come on down. America needs you.

All up in my grill

Friday night was a complete disaster on most accounts. The bars were packed and the crowd was bad. I drank too many vodkas and got into an argument with a friend. Or maybe the argument came before the vodkas, hard to say. Either way, the argument wasn't the interesting part. What both amazed and surprised me was other peoples reaction's to my description of this argument and my reasoning behind it. Some of my friends immediately understood it with little explanation needed. Others were completely baffled as to how I could have possibly been upset about something like that.

Being the somewhat odd person that I am, I decided to do a little bit of research into why people get so offended in social situations. "People" being myself in this instance. As it turns out, people don't really act rationally. Unless they are brain damaged that is. Rationalism is just a myth perpetrated by economists who don't have contact with other humans, only money. In fact, experiments have shown that people will often act irrationally if they perceive that they are being treated unfairly. They will respond by "punishing" the other person for treating them badly rather than acting in their ultimate best interest. I was going to give an example of this from my own personal life but there are so many I became overwhelmed and couldn't think of just one.....hmmmmm. Shocking. Apparently, our ability to judge whether or not we are being treated fairly emerges before our language skills do. Maybe since I have an advanced vocabulary, I also have a highly fine tuned sense of fairness.............damn those GRE flash cards. I guess there is something to be said for reading at a sixth grade level.

The final leg of my research revealed another interesting fact. For better or worse, my sense of morality and fairness is not only triggered in response to a perceived slight against myself. I also have been known to become highly incensed on behalf of both friends and strangers. Some friends, particularly those who avoid conflict like the plague, find my strong public reactions upsetting. For example, several months ago I was riding the train and became highly agitated that a man was preaching against gay people. I think he was talking to this girl on my left with a pretty red flag homo hair cut. As everyone else tried to go to their happy place I proceeded to tell the man that he was actually diarrheaing in his mouth and then try to stick my toe in his butt. Granted it wasn't the most mature response but one that I felt was fitting given the situation. Relating this story to a friend later she was horrified and unable to understand why I felt the need to react or respond. Well to her I say, because it is science.
These moral enforcers are vital to society. Frans de Waal writes that experiments with macaques show that if you remove the individuals who perform this policing function, hostilities increase among the entire band.
Keeping the social order my friend, keeping the social order.

This is all to say that hostilities are an unfortunate but inevitable part of social exchanges. Fairness and reciprocity are ingrained and if slighted we will react. We will also react on the part of others. So I guess it is only natural that upon hearing my story some people reacted to my offended sense of fairness and other were offended by what they perceived as a the lack of fairness on my part towards my friend.....

What a sticky wicket.

ihatesarahpalin.com: sarah goes to the white house

I have a riddle for you.

Q: What could be worse that a forest fire started by a flaming squirrel?

A: Sarah Palin in the White House

Be sure to wait for the dinosaurs to pass the White House and open the door twice to see Katie Couric.

Me and Carole

Today I broke up with my therapist. I went to my session expecting to discuss my relationship with my parents for the hundredth time and instead I found myself discussing my therapists lack of personality. It went much like many of my other break ups. I told her she couldn't emote, and she told me I was being to critical. Et tu brute.

And I ran, I ran so far away.......

Every time an election goes "the wrong way" (or in this instance a primary) my mother threatens to leave the country. Usually she become so incensed at the thought of having to live under the rule of some despot that fleeing to a foreign land is preferable than suffering under a Republican's rule. But the dilemma always is, where to go.......which land to flee to.

To our money we say: bye bye bye

I have to admit I have been able to remain somewhat impervious to the whole economic crisis based on the fact that I have no money and I don't anticipate having any in the future. Im sure it is affecting me some how like the job market will be tighter than George Bush's brown eye when I try to get into it in May or my parents won't be able to retire until their 95. But that all seems so far away and lets face it, I don't have the attention span to think that far in advance.

This doesn't mean that I don't still have flashes of intense rage when I learn things like that the CEO of Lehman Brothers took home 300 million dollars in compensation in the last 8 years. Somehow for him this is evidence that "the system worked". What system was that? The make sure the economy explodes into a flaming ball of shit system.

I have decided that America needs to see these men pay. The men who tanked our economy, made millions, and then just walked away. I think that by making them pay we will all regain something as individuals and as a country. Some of you are probably screaming the stocks, the stocks (thats crucible stocks not money ones).......ahhhhh but wouldn't it be better if after months of rehearsals and an artfully crafted red wig we made Richard Fuld, the head of AIG, Fannie Mae and Fannie Mac star in this on national tv.....



I know I would feel better.

Short Sellin....

These guys presented their business to my class yesterday and this was what they closed with. Ahhhhh the banter.

Story 1: Crossing the Line

So one of my new things is listening to the Moth story podcast and thinking to myself that I should go and tell one of my stories there. However, I have this problem speaking in front of large crowds. When I get the blank stare my hands start sweating profusely and I kind of black out. I decided the way to approach this issue was baby steps. Start by telling the story to my computer and end by telling it to a room full of drunk people. So here is the first story......it takes a little while to load so give it a hot minute.

Economic Meltdown 101

The economy stuff is so damn confusing....well sort of. Apparently its particularly confusing to the experts who are supposed to be regulating it. This is why we should be scared. If the guys in charge of oversight don't understand what they are overseeing, well that is a problem. For more clarity on the economic meltdown of 08, download this weeks edition of This American Life. The guys who did this one, had a podcast on the housing crisis awhile back that made me feel outraged and dirty. Hopefully this one will do the same......

Make More Art

Instant Grant Program from Steve Lambert on Vimeo.

Presidential Elections: Bite Sized

Sometimes we all just need to stop and think to ourselves what in the christ is going on with this presidential campaign. To sort through all those moments of hair helmets, teenage pregnancy, JFK channeling, hockey mom chanting, lipstick wearing, denture gleaming to try and figure out...what does it all mean. Luckily for you, or rather me since I am hung over from my 12 hour binge, Slate does all this heavy lifting for us by summing it up in three little minutes. Three little minutes that would be a lot funnier if it wasn't so damn real.

My thoughts on the debate.......

I decided to take a break from Wii'ing to take a gander at the train wreak we call the VP "debate". First I am wondering if Sarah Palin's practicing for the debate involved sticking something in her ass, after they moved her own head aside to make room. She's looking a little stiff. As I am sitting here trying to make sense of the poo that is streaming from her mouth, I find myself left with some questions.

• Who the fuck is Joe Six Pack and why is he touching my hockey mom?

• What is up with the soccer moms now, they should ask her a question about title nine. It seems like it might be the only question she is qualified to answer.

• Who is Joe's dentist? His teeth look great. I bet he could crack nuts with them. I hope he cracks hers.
  

• Why is she reciting her resume.....can she please answer the fucking questions. I miss Tim Russett.
  

• Watching this makes me what to have beer with Joe and kick Sarah in the uterus on the way out the door

• At least she just admitted she has no experience and hasn't put any substantial issues on the table. Good for her. Honesty about ignorance is always the best policy.

• Did she bedazzle her own flag pin?

• Why does she make energy production sound pornographic.......I hope Joe drills her.

• Can someone give her some pom poms? She is like some kind of conservative pill head cheerleader.

• Did she really just say there are safe, stable ways to use nuclear weapons? Ohhh Matt Damon, how right you are to not want to give her the codes.
  

I find myself losing interest....good thing for DVR. I think I must return to Wii. I wish I could text Joe and tell him that Sarah is playing snake in the grass. She is pretending to be nice Joe....SHE HAS TEETH IN HER VAGINA JOE. He needs to break her and then tell the country he did it for us, to save us. Please save us Joe.

ihatesarahpalin.com: the great debates

Well tomorrow's the big day, and if her interviews with Katie Couric are any indication. It's gonna be a doozer. My co-worker is convinced that Sarah won't even make it to the big show. That some "emergency" will befall her. Maybe they will have Cheney shoot her in the foot accidentally so she can avoid the whole boondoogle. Either way, put on your Palin hair helmets and strap in for the ride....